Late Night Tales 043 – I have a confession to make.

Hi Sam

Sorry for such a long radio silence but things took some weird proportions my end, I feel like I haven’t been true to you the last times we’ve spoke so I thought would be good to write you this letter.

I’m a mess right now, life is overwhelming to an extent that I don’t know what to do to even start getting some relief, imagine fixing it.

It can come across as harsh and crude but I guess will be the best way to make you understand what’s going on, please don’t be scared, you are the only person I can trust right now

I’m tired, very it’s been a long time. I’ve been living a lie, which I have no clue how it started, maybe because I don’t want people to know the real me but to like the concept of me.

No one wants to deal with the broken ones, they only want you to serve and cheer and give them the lack of life is also missing their end, and this is hurtful.

Yesterday I tried to reach several people, the answers I’ve got were:

“Go to sleep, we talk tomorrow” – at 3pm

“Why don’t you take some valium?” – if people knew how much it hurts to be seen as a diagnoses they would never suggest that.

“Things will be better tomorrow, don’t worry” – guess what? they are not.

Between a few others…

How did that make me feel?

That trying to reach to others is useless and you can end up feeling way more rejected and hurt than you were before, that’s why I’m writing you.

To be completely fair there was one friend who lives in America who stayed with me online for a while trying to make me laugh, and that worthed the world to me because on that moment I felt safe and looked after, even though the person was miles and miles away from me.

There’s a lot going on inside my mind and also practical things that are making it worse and/or causing all of this.

My health, my freedom, my career and ideas, my heart, everything is together in a hiatus that I don’t know how to start giving it any movement.

The mental prison comes from the fact that, right now, I can’t go anywhere as my documents are stuck with the embassy, that also affects my ability on changing jobs or anything else I will need a valid ID for… I feel stuck.
It only rains, there’s no Sun, no heat… soon will be cold and miserable and I can’t get out.

They promised me 6 months, which is due by now, but the last time I spoke to them they said that it might actually take 12.
So this is number 01 issue.

Number 02 is my health, a complete mess that I don’t really want to start getting angry or asking why.

Remember that fun thing that everything that’s rare happens to me, right?
Oh well this year they gave me cancer ( which came as negative), a stroke ( which we are still unsure about till all the results come together), a rare blood condition that can kill me on any minute ( this one is true and I’m doing all I can to sort it out) and I’m losing my hair.

I hate the way I look, remember that I used to be anorexic during my 20’s? Yeah that never went and telling people that because you have an eating disorder you end up hating yourself is not something everyone understand right?

People here are feeders and they don’t listen when you say: “I can’t eat this, thank you”, even if you have a disease that will clog your arteries and kill you, they want you to eat, they want you to have tons of the great food they spent time in the kitchen preparing it, or how dare you to go to X restaurant and have  a salad?????

“Is this diet of yours a fitness thing, right?”

If people knew that trying to force a person with eating disorders to eat is as violent as trying to force a gay person to be straight.

But they don’t mean to hurt me, I know… Just wish they would listen.

I hate the way I look (again), many times I don’t go out or let people take pictures of me cause I don’t want to have my image registered like this, I don’t want to be the funny fat friend, I just don’t.

“Oh but you’re beautiful”

Yeah my face is pretty but I look like shit, I avoid going on dates and tend to blow everything before even meeting as I don’t want to feel rejected for looking bad and, what results of that is that I feel more and more unloved and lonely.

I was exercising a lot and feeling great about it but, again the way my useless body is build makes me very prone to injuries so I’m obviously hurt and it quite some pain, result of is I can barely exercise.

But what about your art projects? Everything is going so well…!

On paper yes, in reality no.

I bet you wonder why…

Not everything can be done exclusively by myself, and the ones I’m dependent on other people who said they wanted to get involved and help are just not moving. People are too busy with their lives, they don’t want to be part of my projects, even though they say they really want to which I find very confusing and frustrating, so I keep doing bits and pieces on my own, which delays everything and makes me think:

“Why am I spending my time doing this?”

“Oh yeah ’cause I have this goal… but why do I?”

As you can see there’s a lot going on and to make it harder, because of the stroke threat I can’t even get drunk and try to forget it for a bit.

So I’m stuck in this land, with both my feet planted on the ground, watching life passing in front of me and wondering if hell is not actually here.

I’m not happy it’s been years Sam and to be honest I don’t know for how much longer I will be able to hold this together, but I’m trying and I will try for as long as I can.

Independently of that I want to know about you, about Mary and Nate, your work and everything about you, as it’s been ages and I miss you.

Hope to hear from you soon.

x

Elisabeth

 

 

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Late Night Tales 042 – green

{Elisabeth and her cat}

Is bright inside her room, Elisabeth just woke up with a blocked nose, sore throat looking at her clock on the bedside table.

It’s 8am she supposed to wake up but her body aches, Needle in the Hay by Eliott Smith plays inside her head.

Is really hard to tell how many different thoughts are going through her mind but a lot of “I have tons to do and feel ill” are flying like a pinball in her brain.

She tries to remember her latest dream, weirdly she dreamt about an American guy she met that was awful to her, it’s weird cause she didn’t think about that anymore it’s been quite a while now.

In her dream he wrote small notes across a newspaper bottom page apologising and saying he was sorry, she could see him but couldn’t  remember what she said and what happened.

Why would those memories/ references come back now?

All she can hear is her cat scratching herself over the futon, there’s a strange attraction going on as her cat is pretty obsessed about licking the futon, something no one can explain really but is her thing, just like we all have our things I guess.

She stares at the blinds that needs fixing for how long? 2 years now

Thinks about the costume she needs to buy for her birthday, the song still playing inside her mind, then Luke Wilson comes to her mind ( you know that Tenenbaums scene where his character tries to commit suicide), her throat hurts.

She sits on her bed, looks down and see her hair which looks slightly  green now as the colours are fading.

Looks up, see her cat who realised she’s not dead and move towards the bed.

Is dead gray outside

Almost 11am

Not that much good morning anymore 

Needle in the hay is still playing but now in real life.

She just want to sleep a little bit more, lay down on her back and cover her head with a blanket, is too bright outside and the blinds are broken.

Thinking again about Eli Cash ( that character), the grocery shopping, the costume, the performance she needs to see tonight, her hair, Eliott Smith, her cat, cleaning the house, work and no no she doesn’t want to think about work, last night, next week and falls asleep.

Late Night Tales 041 – The Sea 

If you felt in love with someone at 1st sight, would you tell them?

Or even at 2nd sight you know? After introducing yourselves, having a coffee and walked around for a bit, would you tell them?

I ready something the other day saying: “there’s always that person you always had feelings for, since the first time you’ve met them”

It happened to me two times, once turned into something that unfortunately became very dangerous with time and the second time was no long ago and I don’t know what to do.

What should I? Should I just sound crazy and say “hey I think I have feelings for you”, or simply do my best to gently remove this from inside my chest and my thoughts?

I’m at a small city by the coast of England for the weekend, is 02:21 in the morning and the sea is hitting against the stonewall in front of our house, it seems angry and I wonder why.

Why is the Sea so angry if is not even that windy?

It makes me compare with those feelings I mentioned in the beginning, not quite but a bit.

Why having feelings for someone you only met once? Why flooding the street if there’s no wind?

I don’t know.

If it doesn’t rain tomorrow morning I’ll go for a long walk, maybe by then everything will be gone and the sea will be calmer again.

If not we will both keep moving out tonight’s and water around 

Good night 

Late Night Tales 040 – Jailbird

From Elisabeth to herself

Hi…

It’s weird starting with greetings, specially when writing to the past version of myself but right now, I don’t know any better.

You might be asking yourself why a jailbird this time, no?

Yeah I know you are and I’m happy to explain, it basically has to do with how I’ve been and still am for around 5 years now but please, don’t be scared, you will get out of it and it will be probably the most beautiful feeling or, if not beautiful, the most liberating one at least till our immediate future existence.

You will go through a lot, don’t want to scare you but I wish that when I was you, someone would be writing me this exact letter telling me everything that would happen, like fortune tellers do.

Can you imagine, one day, receiving a letter… a magic letter coming from the future preparing you to everything that would happen to you in the next 5 years of your life? How things could have been different and how much pain could have been avoided but, at the same time, you would maybe not be where we are or even be the person you will become ( and who I am right now).

You will give yourself a big chance and move to a land far far away, you will fly across the ocean and land somewhere where you barely know anyone. A place where you don’t have  a past and can have a fresh start.

As an update, when you start this journey you will be confused and heartbroken but don’t worry you will go through it quite well, you will stand up as happened many many times and will be able to proceed.

You will produce great creative artworks in the beginning and it will help you a lot, specially because you will see a dream becoming true, forgive the spoiler but I won’t tell you what it is as I want you to feel exactly how I felt.

You will meet new people, some will stay and other will go as, the place where you are going to is seen as a transitory place where a lot of people move to and leave after a while to other sides of the world, a few of the ones who will leave weirdly enough will be the ones you will be more attached to, but don’t worry you will never be lonely, we will meet a lot of people on the way, when I say a lot I truly mean a lot and they will come from everywhere.

The beautiful side of it will be you getting in touch with many different cultures and stories. At the same time you will see yourself going through exactly the same as people who came from Saudi Arabia, Norway, England, Australia, Spain, Paris, Beijing and many other places and it will be extremely enriching and comforting.

You will see yourself sharing late night conversations, watching weird TV shows, going for walks and breakfasts, you will take risks and there’s something about risks I need to tell you.

Love will come to you in a very non conventional way. You will feel like you never felt before and it will be the strongest you have ever felt for someone up till this date.

Happiness will be part of it but it will crush you… pain will come in larger quantity comparing to the happy moments and this is when you will put yourself inside the cage where we are with one foot in and another one out while I write you this letter.

Detachment and distance will come, connect which was something so easy for us will be a non existent possibility ( for a while but not forever). You will stop creating but at the same time you will fly professionally achieving again exactly what you wanted.
Perhaps will have to do with the focus you will input into it and again will be very rewarding.

You will travel to other countries, meet even more people including friends you haven’t seen for a very long time and with that reconnect a little, it’s a process you know? Don’t get frustrated, it will depend a lot of you and trust me when I tell you we are getting somewhere outside the cage.

The cage? The cage is this very protected place where we placed ourselves into as a safety matter, because of that you will not experience life as you used to but, funnily enough the day you decide to start going for longer wanders than the attempts you will make ( which will make you run back inside) you will start understanding and experiencing small things that will bring good memories and feelings back.

I can give you an example, this week I was walking by the canals and saw a plan that we’ve had at our grandma’s beach house and a heartwarming feeling came together with many memories from when we were probably 10 years old.

It might come across as cliche but you will out of the blue be able to notice the smell of the plants as, up till the day it happens, you will be so closed that nothing from the outside world will trespass those bars.

This is the part where I can tell you that things will become beautiful, at least start.

You will realise that a lot of people don’t worth your time and dedication, also will find out that a lot of people really like and care about you especially yourself .

You will receive support from complete strangers, discuss your projects, dreams and aspirations, go to strange meetings, roadtrips with people you never met before in different countries and do you know what? Things will be ok and it will show you that, carefully, you can trust again.

It will lead you to plan other small and big changes, it will be exciting trust me.

Focus will never go away… I guess that learning meditation in the middle of the way helped us with that, not preaching just saying 🙂

You will show and receive kindness, still feel like a scared child but at the same time open up and really push forward towards giving but again, it will be a process. A process that leads you to where I’m sitting right now in Southern California.

Our friend’s dog is desperately wanting to play while I write this to you ( he’s a nice dude, a bit stubborn but a friendly furry thing), just give him a bone and he will leave you for a bit.
Tomorrow morning you will pack your things and go back to your chosen home with a lot of things to organize and a large to do list, but don’t worry you can sleep while flying and prepare the action plan when you get there…

Ouch, just realised I’m now writing to my future self… I guess that means that’s time to have some sleep.
You will be ok and grow a lot and I’m very proud of you.

Happy New Year

I love you

Elisabeth

 

 

Late Night Tales 039 – Against all odds

{Elisabeth and Lilly}

 

E – Are you awake? Sorry for calling now but I’m still a bit confused with the timezone

L – Haha nah it’s ok I was out, just got home… what’s up?

E – I think I’m in love

L- What?

E – Yep

L- Who? How? Wheere? What happened?

E – Nothing happened and I’m freaking out, not really but randomly feeling as if I was.

To be honest I’m very confused right now

L – As if it was possible for you to fall for someone who wouldn’t be complicated anyway…

E – This is not funny

L- I’m sorry go on…

E – We sort of knew each other because of work, talked on and off online and possibly met at some point but I’m not really sure… I wasn’t expecting anything and I’m still not

L- ok but did you meet him? How was this meeting?

E – yes, just for a few hours yesterday afternoon for a coffee then we went for a wander around town

L – Was that it?

E – we exchanges some texts later on… kept talking till late actually

L – What did you talk about?

E- Everything, life over here and back home, relationships, heartbreaks, art, projects, work, music

It was so easy to relate to everything we spoke about, felt so close, so real… do you think I’m crazy?

L – No, I don’t… I think you have a good heart and it’s about time for you to meet someone nice anyway.

What’s your plan now?

E – To suffocate it till it dies

L – Ok I get it’s complicated because of the distance but why let it die?

E – Because is the right thing to do

L – ok but why?

E – At the same time we are very similar we are living different moments in life and he needs space to sort himself out, is not fair on him to make things challenging now besides he doesn’t even like me or feel remotely the same way as I do now

L- How do you know?

E – I don’t and I’m ok like this

L- Hm ok so why did you call me?

E – Because I needed to let it out, send it out to the universe and yourself surprise surprise

L – ha clown! Thanks for picking me… even though is 03:41am here

E – Anytime

L- Let’s talk tomorrow when we both hit daytime yeah?

E- ok

L- love you, good night

E – me too, good  night

 

Late Night Tales 038 – My Blueberry Nights

{Elisabeth and Sam}

 

Elisabeth: whispering and quoting jeremy ( a character from Wong Kar Wai’s film – My blueberry Nights)

“A few years ago, I had a dream. It began in the summer and was over by the following spring. In between, there were as many unhappy nights as there were happy days. Most of them took place in this café. And then one night, a door slammed and the dream was over.”

{Elisabeth’s house – Internal – Night – Sam arrives}

S- Hey, I didn’t know you were home

E – I am…

S – And you’re watching that film again?

E – Yes I am

S – Do you want to talk?

E – I don’t know it feels weird right now

S – What feels weird?

E – To feel

S – But what are you feeling?

E – It’s been 5 days I don’t leave the house so I can look after her, I’m not sleeping… my only meal today was a bag of salty popcorn

I’m very tired Sam.

S – Things will be ok very soon you know that right? She’s getting better and you will have some rest

It’s all temporary

E – I know… I’ve been thinking about internal torments, how a minute can transform itself  in long periods of pain but, at the same time a minute can not become long periods of happiness, why that?

S – I don’t have that answer, is it just the stress of the moment and your tiredness that’s bothering you?

E – maybe is the fact that due to what you mentioned I’m feeling human again, I’m feeling fragile and shedding tears

S – This is not a bad thing and you know that, it was about time

E – I don’t want to soften up

S – They don’t hurt you if you don’t allow them to

E – and why is it hurting now?

S –  Because sometimes we have to deal with inevitable things that life put us through, no one will escape that, nor me or you or anyone we know and there’s nothing you can do about it but allow the tears you’re afraid of showing to come out

E – Would you stay with us tonight?

S – Yes I can, let me help you to look after her ok?

E – ok

S – do you want to finish the film? God how many times you watched that and why everytime you’re not ok you go back and watch it again?

E – I’m not sure, It comforts me somehow, the encounters, the decisions and changes and challenges and mistakes and the blueberries… and the light, the light is beautiful.

S – I like when you describe the beauty of things

E – Would you keep an eye on her while I have a shower? I haven’t washed my hair in days

S – Take your time, I’m not going anywhere tonight

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Late Night Tales 037 – the now

We are living a very strange moment, as a friend said, 2016 is the craziest year since we were born, and it’s true but, independently of all the political situation and crazy government measures what shocks me more are small and big atitudes people have.

Nowadays, maybe social media potentialise it, but the desperation people have to make everything about Themselves is enormous and I don’t get it.

The lack of empathy for the other and a selfish impulse to not really try or even want to accept and understand that life is not an excel sheet and that “shit happens” makes me ( and some of my closest friends) consider isolation somewhere far away

Life has thrown some very difficult situations towards me in the past years, I’ve seen everything from people who I consider good friends coming, unfortunately not in a positive way solely because they were thinking about their own needs which kind of made me change the way I see them and the perspective of the relationships

Asking a friend to go for a walk far from the city to clear up my mind after a very traumatic experience and the person making it about himself, inputting rules because when he was a child shit happened… Sorry Sr. Right now I just need a friend to walk with me in the woods, I won’t play your therapist

Another who couldn’t understand that a friend took my phone away by accident and gave me a speech telling me what I should have done… what? Have you considered that I’ve had to go all the way to get my phone back and be able to message you? No of course not, was all about YOUR waiting right?

Other who told me off as I went to my hometown and didn’t call, well I was with my sick mother in the hospital, not even I knew I would be there as it was a last minute call… besides I was there for 4 days and my family was my priority, not you

Another who knew what was going on with me and took 2 weeks to send a text, when the person did she said she didn’t have time, funny there was enough time to post videos on social media etc etc but not to message a friend asking if everything was ok?

Just 3 words: “are you ok?”

Among many other examples we can see out there if not mattering about others lives as soon as theirs will become better

Maybe I’m stil falling into the trap of thinking that people should do what I do, or maybe everything I wrote and what the world is showing is true, who knows

All I know is that it’s been a very important learning curve, a hard one but is good to declutter the house once in a while right?

Another “experience” I’m making is to not contact or try to reach people who I know was only coming to me when they needed a favor, it’s been enlightening.

What do I want?

To hope that people will open up their minds and start trying to understand other’s situations, that they will stop being so self absorbed and try to understand what’s actually live collectively.

Have a good day everyone

X

Elisabeth

Late Night Tales 035 – Anouk

{Elisabeth and Anouk}

So I’ve heard a noise outside, my impression was that she was so nervous that she couldn’t even properly set up the keys to get in ( yes I leave a set of keys at a hidden spot for my close friends)

I looked through the window and there she was, Anouk.

I ran downstairs and opened, she was a bit erratic, agitated… crying. It was alarming so I brought her in, sat with her on my livingroom floor and started talking (or trying to)

A – It was horrible

E – What happened?

A – all the things he said… what he did… was so hurtful, I’m so angry

E – What happened Anouk?

A – That miserable loser who can only deal with people who will believe in his delusional reality, cheerleaders, weak so weak, it was so hurtful I’m so stupid

I noticed she was struggling to make sense, so I stood up went to the kitchen to prepare a holy basil tea and came back, we sat there for a while in silence. She was in shock crying, I realised that trying to get an explanation about her emotional state, on that moment, wouldn’t be possible.

She was passing on the mug from one hand to the other, staring at the floor… I wanted to hug her but she was so disconnected that I really struggled to find a quick solution to make her feel better… then she started talking

A – We’ve met for a coffee, he was late as he concluded I wasn’t coming, after I called him he headed over there.

 As he arrived, his expression was different, it wasn’t the person I’ve met in Paris a few days ago… he was cold..

He looked at me and said he would have to end our story, I was honestly confused as till 2 days ago he was happy and making plans… Plans involving me! 

He started talking non stop, quite loudly and we were at a café down the corner of my workplace

E – Oh the Australian one?

A – Yes, he was talking really fast, mentioned he didn’t wanted any of it, that he was castrated by his dominant ex wife, that the kids were complaining about his constant travelling, also that his little girl wanted him to go back to the family house.

 Complained that his work was booking him on too many flights… It was when his phone rang and he said cut me off and said he would have to leave

I questioned him as he scheduled that coffee and said he was free for the morning, he looked at me very angrily and said it was X agency from Paris, that was work and his job is much more important than mine, that he’s not someone like me who ‘sits at a desk and write statuses… It’s my fucking job what allows him to do his stupid films! People like me with the desk jobs are the ones guaranteeing that people like him would be able to direct films!!!!

E – Oh my God…

A – He left the cafe and went outside to take the call, it was raining quite badly and my impression was that he would just walk away and leave me tyere crying, I was so embarrassed I could barely move from my seat

He came back after 20 minutes saying it was a good call and that everything is magic and will be epic, that the agency was ecstatic with his ideas… That was X agency from Paris!!! X agency from Paris!!! 

I asked him to go somewhere else as I didn’t want any of my colleagues to bump into us having that conversation, I was very nervous and crying, he agreed. We walked towards another restaurant across the canal, he was mentioning he would have a wardrobe fitting on that day and that would be amazing, on that moment I couldn’t believe how cold and detached from reality he was…

To be honest from the 1st time I met him I noticed there was something off but do you know when you ignore your intuition and decide to give people a chance? I think that was my mistake 

E – This is very bizarre, I thought things were doing great between you too, you were giving him tons of support and space, even listening to everything  he was throwing on you about his ex wife…

A – I know but maybe the fact that I wasn’t someone cheering for all the bullshit he was trying to sell me made him uncomfortable, I was too real you know? All the stories that the edit was epic, best film done so far, the agency was calling headhunters to double their salaries after watching the film

E – haha what?

A – Yes he said that to me in Paris, I listened and smiled but we know that doesn’t exist right?

E – Oh my God!

A – Yes, so we sat at this restaurant, I was crying and mentioned to him that we wouldn’t ever see each other again, he said it didn’t have to be like that… Once again the selfish bastard only thinking about himself, that he wasn’t saying that we would never be together again so I questioned why now if everything was ok?

He said he only want to do a long format film and skateboard, started mentioning his ex wife again ( who by the way cheated on him with her spiritual guru while he was being ‘Epic’ somewhere else), said he doesn’t like sex cause is way too stressful and he was just using me for company but at the same time I’m perfect and cool, so precious like a Faberge Egg, something he can’t crack the code.

It was so shocking that I couldn’t even find a reasonable explanation to keep up with the conversation, then after he finished eating his eggs he looked at me and said:

“Do you know what? The reason why it doesn’t work is because you remind me of my sister, you know the scarfs, the headphone, you dye your hair… and she hates me and now you hate me too”

E – this is insane

A – that made me so angry and sick, all I wanted to do was to actually tell him the true, the one he tries desperately to hide from, but I knew that would destroy him

E – And what would you have said?

A – God don’t even know from where to start… That the reason why his wife cheated on him was because he’s so self absorbed on his fantasy world, forgetting completely about reality and neglecting her.

That he’s not a blessed creature who came from heaven who should be worshiped only because of his existence.
That all the compliments people make about him are not real, are mainly because he’s a puppet of this industry and people know exactly how to deal with someone who’s so vain and insecure like he is.
And no he’s not Kubrick, even though he made a very shitty version of the 2001 spaceship in one of his ads. 

He’s high on his own supply, doesn’t have friends,as he believes his ‘industry friends’ are real, and trust me they are not but people who will stand him till he’s not relevant anymore, which is happening already, to then never have to talk to him anymore as they will be giving attention to the younger and hotter ones
Making projects for kids and don’t even looking after his own children.

 Anotyer desperate  form of attention seeking trying to sell himself as someone who does ‘charity’ and wants to help… bullshit!
His ‘artwork’? Adding famous people’s names to skateboards, getting his production company PR team to invite those people to come to the exhibition only for the sake of having pictures on social media… really? One of the people he ‘honoured’ with a name engraved on a board is a friend and mentioned how sad it was, how strange it was.

Oh my God all that drama! The tantrums he throw on sets believing people will find it funny, which might be the actual reason why he doesn’t get work in the UK but because people actually know he’s completely unbalanced and not the bullshit he said to me about people not liking him because he used to be a planner, and went to Cambridge, that advertising in UK is not funny and he’s only good for the American and EU market, seriously?
That he has a daughter and I hope she will never have to meet a guy like him and be hurt, even though is already happening to her and he can’t even acknowledge what he’s doing.
….

A – But I didn’t want to be mean.

E – What kept you from saying all those things?

A – Because he’s already a zombie, and even though he broke me in a moment that I was already quite fragile, I didn’t wanted to do the same to him, I’m not a monster

E – you did the right thing

A – I know, but it doesn’t stop me to feel it

E – I know but still, you can talk to me, pretend I’m him and say everything you want to, but let him go… he will be this person forever and to be honest the only one who will have to deal with it is himself, he’s not your problem anymore. So what did you do?

A – I walked to the tube station and here I am

E – I’m glad you’re here, didn’t want to know you were on your own after all of this

A – I feel used, he was texting me every single day the whole time for months… Argh I don’t want to be angry like this, just want it to go away

E – it will go, but for now you can respect your feeling and allow them to come out

A – Should we go for a walk? I need to breath and I’m too agitated to be sitting here

E – I think you should, let’s go to that cafe by the lake

A – I hope he won’t regret it

E – Listen he might but he’s a coward, he will find another girl and do exactly the same, he’s a user and I’m sorry if he’s 43 years old and is still behaving like this you better off without him because it will only get worse and honestly if one day you feel like saying all those things to him, do it! If will heal the wound do it, maybe it will help him to wake up and do something about his life

A – Do you have  a spare coat I can borrow?

E – Yes

A – thanks for being here

E – Thanks for coming here, let’s leave or the blueberry pie will be gone

A – I think it’s gonna rain, should we bring an umbrella?

E – No, let’s take the risk 

A – I love you

E – I love you too

 

 

Late night tales 034 – Empathy

{ Casper & Elisabeth}

E – I will never understand why more more I notice a generalised lack of empathy from people…

I was talking to my mother this afternoon and she mentioned that people are being quite insistent about me not visiting, just to explain my way back home is not a train ride or a short flight… It’s a long one till the other side of the ocean so not simple to sort out

C – And what bothers you specifically about it? 

E – Is  something quite common in my country, people really like to mind each other’s business and I’m not like that, in fact I struggle to understand it

I have a newborn nephew and I knew there would be pressure for me to leave everything behind to go and see him, so it doesn’t shock me that much but still uncomfortable 

C – The way you see it is as if people can’t perhaps try to understand the reason why you’re not going but only point to finger to accuse you of A or B?

E – Exactly!

E- I know I’m not a saint but I always try to understand ones situation before taking any conclusion, I even tend to lie to myself as I want to believe people have a pretty reasonable explanation  to behave in certain ways… Anyway I don’t want to vent at you

C – It’s ok I don’t mind, I like talking to you also I like to listen and understand 

E – Ha! Clever move Casper

C – I’m trying  my best

E – Thanks that’s good to know

C – that’s good to say… What time do you have to leave?

E – I should go now actually

C – Can you send me a message when you get home? I want to be sure you’re ok

E – I will

C – See you very soon 

E – Have a good night Casper

C – You too Elisabeth